Daily WHUFC News - 7th June 2012

Potts happy to be a part of it
WHUFC.com
Dan Potts completed an unfortgettable season by travelling with the squad to
Wembley
06.06.2012

Dan Potts might not have been directly involved in the npower Championship
Play-Off final victory over Blackpool, but the young defender could not keep
the smile of his face at Wembley. The 18-year-old began 2011/12 as the
youth-team captain but ended it as a West Ham United first-team player,
full-time professional and England Under-18 international. Potts was part of
the Hammers' 21-man squad that travelled to the Home of Football for the big
game, enabling the teenager to soak up the atmosphere in front of a crowd of
nearly 80,000 fans.

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Boxers ready for Boleyn showdown
WHUFC.com
Dereck Chisora and David Haye cannot wait to settle their differences in an
east London ring
06.06.2012

With Saturday 14 July fast approaching, David Haye and Dereck Chisora have
both come out fighting ahead of their bout at the Boleyn. 'Licensed to
Thrill' takes place at the Boleyn Ground, with British heavyweights David
Haye and Dereck Chisora topping the bill as they look to settle their
differences once and for all. West Ham TV caught up with both fighters ahead
of the crunch encounter. Chisora was looking forward to stepping into the
ring at the Boleyn once more, having previously defeated Danny Williams back
in May 2010, knocking out the former British and Commonwealth champion after
nine seconds of the second round. "The Boleyn Ground has a great atmosphere,
I really like this place," said Chisora. "This is the second time I've
fought here I'm looking forward to this one. I'm ready for it and I can't
wait to get in that ring. "David and I have some unfinished business but
after 14 July it will be done and I will be the happy one."

Haye, who has come out of retirement for the bout, was also in fighting mode
as he suggested that Chisora was not the fighter he believes he is. "Dereck
talks a lot but I'm not sure he actually understands boxing. He's got a good
chin but I certainly don't think he has enough to beat me. I believe Chisora
is going to come out slinging bombs and that will suit me perfectly. "It's
going to be entertaining. You'll see some stuff from me that you haven't
seen for a while. A new improved Hayemaker."

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Transfer latest
KUMB.com
Filed: Wednesday, 6th June 2012
By: Staff Writer

West Ham are this morning being linked with a move for Wolves winger Michael
Kightly. The 26-year-old was part of the team relegated from the Premier
League last season and is this morning being linked with a return south,
having spent the last five-and-a-half years in the Midlands with the
Wanderers. Originally from Basildon, Kightly began his career playing part
time for Basildon United before moving to Southend United, having been
dumped by Tottenham as a youth player.
After a brief spell on loan at Farnborough Town he joined Grays Athletic
where he became known as 'the Ryan Giggs of non-league football'. Having
helped the Gravelmen win the FA Trophy, he moved to Wolves - initially on
loan - in November 2006, before making the transfer permanent in January
2007.

Elsewhere the Hammers have been cited as a potential suitor for Rangers
forward Steven Naismith, who is reported to have a clause in his contract
allowing him to speak with any club prepared to offer £2million for his
services.

Other players who continue to be linked with a move to east London this week
are Wigan's out-of-contract Mohamed Diame, Stoke's out-of-favour Kenwyne
Jones and former Bolton striker Nicolas Anelka - who at least one source has
stated is in London for transfer talks with an unnamed party.

Meanwhile the individual (or individuals) responsible for the Twitter
account in the name of David Sullivan's 12-year-old son have been busy once
again.

When asked whether West Ham are considering signing Sunderland's Egyptian
winger Ahmed Elmohamady, 'Sullivan' replied: "We are no trying to sign
Elmohamdyu (sic) from Sunderland", before clearing up any potential doubt
over a missing character by adding, "We are not" - and later, "we never
wanted him".

Then, when asked to confirm whether reports stating that Sam Allardyce's
summer war chest equated to just £10million, the account holder replied,
"double that".

In terms of potential departures, there is still no news with regards to
Robert Green's position following David Gold's recent Tweet confirming that
"Robert is out of contract and is currently a free agent" - although one
source close to the player has told KUMB.com that the England stopper will
not make any decision on his future until after the forthcoming European
Championships.

Finally, Tottenham's purported £5million bid for KUMB.com's Player of the
Year James Tomkins appears to have been laughed off in most quarters.
However keen-eyed KUMB readers will no doubt recall that Tomkins recently
changed agents and is now part of the Mark Curtis stable.

Curtis, for the uninitiated, was accused by Andy Carroll's former agent
(Peter Harrison) of stealing his client and subsequently brokering the deal
that saw the England international move to Anfield for a record-breaking
£35million last year.

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That Was The Season That Was 2011/2012 - Part Four
KUMB.com
Filed: Wednesday, 6th June 2012
By: Gordon Thrower

He's cleared his domestic football inbox and written it all down so he can
concentrate on watching the Euros. Well for three games anyway. Here's the
final part of Gordon Thrower's end of season review. Let's see who he can
annoy this time.....

March

Defender George John returns to FC Dallas having failed to impress during
his loan spell which consisted of two Development squad matches and no
appearances in the first team squad.

Southampton manage a 1-0 win at Leeds despite being played off the park, the
home side failing to take any of the numerous chances that coe their way.

This gives Southampton a four point lead making it rather important that we
get something out of our international trip the following day. This we do in
decent style beating Cardiff 2-0 with goals from Nolan and a collector's
item from McCartney, whose 50 yard run finishes with him putting away a
rebound. With his right foot. The disembodied head of Ray Winstone explodes
as the bookies for whom he does those adverts struggle to compute the
astronomical odds of Linda scoring at all, multiplied by the even more
astronomical odds of such a goal coming from his right foot.

There's more fun to be had at the expense of Chelsea as Abrahamovic decides
that AVB (as I can't be bothered to look up the spelling of his name) is not
the man to run the club after all. AVB has lasted just about as long as it
takes to conceive and give birth. There's little sympathy for him however
given the no doubt large payoff that he receives for going. In any case,
people are too busy laughing at Chelsea to have any time for sympathy.

Southampton drop two home points to the in-form Ipswich whose goal comes
from Jason Scotland. This is possibly the first time ever I can recall
smiling at a Scotland goal. However, despite dominating our match against
Watford we fail to take the opportunity to go top, as the clock ticks on.
Sub Ricardo Vaz Te notches a late equaliser but try as we might we fail to
net the winner, despite 9 minutes of stoppage time being added for a
serious-looking (but thankfully not as serious as it looked) injury to
Watford defender Dale Bennett who is stretchered off with his neck in a
brace.

With Winston Reid still feeling the effects of serious concussion obtained
playing for the Kiwis against Jamaica we look a bit short handed at the back
and Stoke defender Danny Collins comes in on loan, though quite how he'll
adapt to playing football after his move from Stoke is anyone's guess.
Another loan signing is set to be 'keeper Stephen Henderson who will come in
from Pompey. Henderson's signing is made with a view to a permanent deal,
something that renews speculation as to the future of Rob Green, whose
presence at the club is said to be dependent on what division we are in next
season. So the deal is in no way a clever way of saving Pompey a few bob to
make sure they don't disappear before the end of the season with our six
points then.

As if to underline the feeling that Portsmouth must survive, because it
would get just too complicated if they went under, the Football League
promises £800,000 in staggered payments to get them through to the close of
the regular season on 28 April. After which, presumably, nobody will give a
monkey's.

We draw at home for the third consecutive match as Doncaster Rovers come to
the Boleyn and leave with a point after a 1-1 draw. Nolan scores early on as
it seems that only referee Andy D'Urso's long-standing grudge against us
will prevent us running up a cricket score. However, the loss of Ricardo Vaz
Te with a hamstring injury sees us struggle to show any type of creativity
and Doncaster pick up a deserved equaliser. It could have been worse, Green
pulls of a remarkable save to stop us leaving empty-handed.

Reading close the gap between second and third to goal-difference whilst
Southampton's win means that a win in the game in hand over Peterborough
will be sufficient to see us reclaim top spot. As long as we can muster
eleven goals in the process.

A difficult trip to Leeds follows as 3,000 travelling Hammers see us go a
goal down with seven minutes left. On-loan Danny Collins pops up in stoppage
time to rescue a point which is a decent return from Elland Road, though
when taken in the context of wins for both Reading and Southampton , the
point is not enough to keep us in the automatic promotion places.
Southampton's 3-2 win at Millwall is particularly galling coming as they do
from 2-1 down with two more laughable penalties.

Such matters put into perspective by events at White Hart Lane as Bolton's
Fabrice Muamba collapses with a heart attack during the first half of his
side's FA Cup Quarter Final. The player's heart stops for 78 minutes and a
defibrillator is used as the medics perform heroics to keep the player
alive. Ref Howard Webb abandons the match at 1-1 with players and spectators
visibly upset at the whole affair.

Meanwhile, we return to action at home to Boro' and draw. 1-1. Again. We go
1-0 up (again) through a deflected Faye header but a baffling series of
substitutions sees us try to shut up shop rather than try to exploit the
space created by opponents drawn out of their shell. With predictable
consequences. Ogbeche's curled drive levels the scores late on. Despite the
indifferent form we remain in the mix for automatic promotion as Reading
slip up at Peterborough leaving us two points adrift with a game in hand.

The turgid 90 minutes against Boro' contrasts hugely with events at Elland
Road on the same night where Colin's side are trounced 7-3 by Forest, for
whom McCleary nets four. Leeds take the lead but by half time Forest are 2-1
up. Forest then go 3-1 up before Leeds peg them back to 3-3. Then Forest
score again. And again. And again. And again. Colin is understandably
embarrassed. "I'm embarrassed" he says, before going on to blame Carlos
Tevez for the defeat.

Things don't improve much for the Irons in the first half up at Burnley.
Despite dominating and missing a succession of chances (pardon me if we've
been here before) we somehow find ourselves 2-0 down at the interval. Things
perk up in the second half as Nolan (now in double figures for the season)
and Tomkins level but yet again the forwards miss a number of opportunities
to give us all three points. Ten unbeaten then, the last five of which are
draws.

The impressive away form continues with a midweek trip to Peterborough where
second half goals from Vaz Te and O'Neil give us all three points. The win
is our eleventh on the road, which equals the club record.

All looks set fair for the big showdown with Reading whose inexplicable run
of victories despite playing poorly has put them in a strong position for
promotion. We start well with Cole putting us 1-0 up early on. We dominate
the first half so much that boxing referees are seen on the sidelines
begging to be allowed to intervene. However, we discover a clue to their
form in the shape of Premiership referee Chris Foy who allows a blatant
handball from ex-Hammer McAnuff to set up the equaliser. Things get worse as
a flukey deflection plays in Hunt to put them 2-1 up at the Interval. A Noel
Hunt dive over the nearest leg is enough for Foy to give them a penalty
which is converted by Harte. Vaz Te gives us a bit of hope with a header
that makes it 3-2 but Foy caps a dismal match by repealing the offside law
for a three yards offside Hunt to play in Leighterwood to give them a 4-2
win and leave us four points off the promotion slots.

April

The final month of the normal season begins with a Good Friday trip to
Barnsley where goals from Nolan, Noble (a clever chip after a goalkeeping
error), Maynard and Vaz Te give us a morale-boosting 4-0 win, thus setting a
new club record of 12 away wins.


Leeds kick lumps out of Reading and for once the rest of the league turns a
blind eye. Despite being reduced to ten men Leeds look the better side but
Reading dig up two late goals from somewhere to maintain the gap.

The Boat Race becomes interesting for once as a privately-educated
privileged idiot halts proceedings by swimming in front of the boats as a
protest against, er, privately-educated privileged idiots or something.
Still it distracts everyone from making the "funny how Oxford & Cambridge
always make it to the final" joke. Well apart from this time anyway.

There's another big one at the Boleyn where Birmingham come to visit. Awful
defending sees us go 2-0 down before Vaz Te makes it 2-1 in the third minute
of first half stoppage. Even hanging on to that position is beyond us as
Birmingham add a third in the fifth minute of the stoppage period, the extra
time being caused by lengthy treatment to George McCartney following a clash
of heads. We storm the second half and a 70th minute effort from Cole and a
last minute penalty from Vaz Te give us a deserved point.

Reading beat Southampton at St Mary's yet again taking three points from a
thoroughly unconvincing performance. This means that a win against Brighton
is a must. We get the win and then some, as one of the performances of the
season sees us run in six without reply. Goals from Vaz Te (3), Nolan, Cole
and an og give us the points and do the goal difference a power of good as
well. Vaz Te's third is a bit special, a mid-air scissor kick instantly
propelling him to the top of the "goal of the season" nominations.

Unfortunately hopes of automatic promotion are dealt a major blow in our
next match. We go 1-0 up through a Tomkins effort but an uncharacteristic
slip from Rob Green gives relegation threatened Bristol City an equaliser.
Once more a plethora of missed chances cost us dearly and the draw leaves us
needing snookers to have any chance of avoiding the playoffs.

Elsewhere Didier Drogba creates a world record for the number of dives in a
match during Chelsea's So-Called Champions League Semi Final against
Barcelona. Southampton players are seen pouring over their Sky+ machines for
tips. Drogba gives Chelsea the lead in one of the three minutes of stoppage
time added for treatment to his non-existent injuries and, despite Barcelona
playing them off the park, Chelsea take a 1-0 lead into the second leg.

Drought hits this part of the country prompting the traditional hosepipe
ban, followed by the even more traditional heavy rain. Which proceeds to
last for weeks. And weeks.

Results elsewhere mean that Reading, despite their obvious limitations, have
somehow become Champions. There is dancing in the streets of Derby as Rams'
fans look forward to finally losing the embarrassment of being tagged the
worst Premier League team ever.

There is still an outside chance of automatic promotion for us but a win
away at Leicester is required to keep that particular flame alight. The home
side take the lead against the run of play but the lead lasts less than 4
minutes as Reid turns in a Taylor cross. A rejuvenated Jack Collison buries
a spectacular 25-yarder to give us all three points.

Chelsea are yet again played off the park by Barcelona as the home side take
a 2-0 lead. John Terry ("the greatest Captain England have had ever" – M
Lipton) knees Sanchez in the back and then has the cheek to deny any
wrongdoing claiming "he must have backed into me". Terry eventually concedes
that it might just possibly look like he was guilty from a certain angle –
that angle presumably being one where you were facing the screen. Ramires
gives Chelsea the advantage, Messi (suspiciously) hits the bar from a
penalty and even more suspiciously Torres scores late on to send the
Pensioners through to the final v Bayern Munich. It's almost worth seeing
Chelsea qualify in the realisation that Terry will be suspended.

The following morning's newspapers are full of the news that enquiries into
the phone hacking scandal that doesn't involve Spurs have resulted in the
conclusion that Rupert Murdoch is not a "fit and proper" person to run a
newspaper, something which, apparently, is news. One paper which doesn't run
with the story is the Sun whose front page simply states "Torres Scores!"

Back in the realms of proper football we go into the final match of the
season needing a win and some goals, if Southampton draw, or just a win if
they lose. The only problem with that scenario is that Southampton are
playing already-relegated Coventry. Coventry are so poor that Southampton
don't require any dives to win 3-0 and leave us in the playoffs. A Carlton
Cole double either side of half time puts us 2-0 up but as the news filters
through from Southampton we sit back and important players are wisely
substituted in advance of the extension of the season. Hull pull a late goal
back after a bizarre cock-up from Guy Demel.

We finish in third place a mere three points from top spot. The club record
13 wins away from home contrasts with the home form where too many draws
have cost us automatic promotion. However, possibly significantly, we've won
two on the trot at home – which will be handy in the playoffs won't it where
Cardiff lie in wait…..

May

The month starts with the tabloids being outwitted by the FA as Roy Hodgson
is appointed England boss. Redknapp's journo mates cry foul as their man is
ignored in favour of someone with a proven track record of coaching at
international level and no recent court appearances.

At first the English public seem to follow the redtops' lead but the Sun
scores a spectacular own goal by publishing a front page taking the mickey
out of Hodgson's speech problem. The FA complains and any thoughts that the
Sun might have a lucid and coherent case are immediately dispelled when they
trot out Jonathon Ross as witness for the defence.

We pay another visit abroad for the playoff semi-final first leg against
Cardiff City. Tickets are again collectable from somewhere really
inconvenient. For some reason everyone connected with Cardiff seems to feel
it necessary to go into print regarding how awful we must be feeling about
missing out on automatic promotion and how much pressure we must be under.
We are under so much pressure that Jack Collison puts away two first half
goals in a performance that has the word "professional" stamped right
through it.

Cardiff boss Malky Mackay puts a brave face on the demolition job carried
out on his team. "We've got them worried now – 2-0 is a really dangerous
lead". It's a warning partially heeded by Blackpool in the other playoff who
take care to only take a 1-0 lead into their second leg against Birmingham.

A major dilemma faces the nation on FA Cup Final day where Chelsea face
Liverpool. On the one hand there was a side with dodgy owners, ignorant fans
and racist players whilst on the other hand, er…

The final is hidden away on Saturday evening to hide the embarrassing nature
of the participants. Prior to kick-off the charmless scousers whistle and
jeer the National Anthem. The match ends up 2-1 to Chelsea with Liverpool
being denied an equaliser by a Carroll effort that doesn't cross the line,
despite all efforts of the TV pundits to stir up controversy. The best thing
about the final is the way that we are allowed to see the look on the faces
of the likes of Gerrard picking up their losers' medals before turning off
before the obnoxious Terry picks up the cup. The scouse supporters in the
stadium further display their lack of class by legging it before the trophy
is presented.

Cardiff come to London via a detour to Turkmenistan to pick up tickets for
the second leg of the semi final. We cop a deaf one on Mackay's "2-0's a
dangerous lead" comment and render the point academic by half time, taking a
2-0 lead through a close range header from Nolan and a powerful Vaz Te
drive. Maynard's first goal at home towards the end makes it 3-0, with
another fine performance to send us to Wembley for the first time in 31
years.

The chicken dance that accompanies Nolan's goal is emulated at Ewood Park
where supporters lob a live chicken on the pitch in protest at the
stewardship of the poultry farmer owners Venkeys. Blackburn lose 1-0 to
Wigan and are relegated in the process while Liverpool immediately place a
£35m bid to sign the chicken.

The other playoff semi final sees Blackpool throw away a 2-0 lead to draw
2-2 against Birmingham. It's still enough to get them through to face us at
Wembley but they are holding on at the end.

Fed up with continually having to order their employees to apologise for
stuff, and annoyed at the fact that their club hold an end of season lap of
honour following their sixth home win of the season, Liverpool's owners sack
Dalglish. "He's not been close enough to the fans" they comment. "However,
now that he's unemployed he will be".

Ticketing arrangements for the playoff final start to turn a bit daft as
it's revealed that Blackpool have been given the same 39,000 or so
allocation as us, despite having a much smaller average gate. Rumours of
poor ticket sales in the north-west abound despite every supporter being
able to take two or three mates each. If they have any.

Idiot of the pre-playoff week award goes to the tool who publishes a
two-year old photo of an away kit, announces it as a new kit and uses the
existence of the Premier League badges on the sleeves as examples of our
supposed pre-playoff "arrogance". When caught out, the idiot goes one
further by replacing the old photo with a supporter's mock-up from the
kumb.com forums. Worse still, Seasiders' defender Ian Evatt is dumb enough
to fall for it and makes a tit of himself by repeating the stuff as fact.

The build-up to the big match concludes with Blackpool sending back a record
7,000 tickets. Because of the way they've been dished out all attempts to
reallocate the spares fall on deaf ears due to segregation issues.

The big day finally arrives. Everyone sings the National Anthem (scousers
please note) and, Collison's shoulder injury having healed it is an
unchanged eleven that starts the match. We take a half time lead through
Carlton Cole but Blackpool restore parity after the interval. Although we
don't play nearly as well as we have been of late we still have good chances
to win the match before Vaz Te's effort with but two minutes left is enough
to take us up in front of 40,000+ Hammers and as many waifs and strays that
Blackpool could muster.

John Terry turns up in full kit offering to help out with lifting the trophy
but security tell him to sling his hook. Undeterred, England's Greatest Ever
Captain (©M Lipton) jets off to Munich where he is able to pick up another
trophy that he had sod all to do with winning.

Big Sam admits to having taken a Beta Blocker before the final to control
his nerves. Sheffield United's lawyers' ears prick up at the thought of
suing over a potential failed drug test.

Meanwhile, in the aftermath of the defeat, Blackpool's Alex Baptiste
delivers the most hilarious of sour grapes tirades against West Ham. "I know
which team I'd rather play for" he says, conveniently ignoring the fact that
nobody is likely to give him the option. "Their players are all 8ft tall"
says the 5ft 11in tall Baptiste who, despite the fact that he himself is
taller than several Hammers, seems dreadfully upset at having been made to
play football against the bigger boys. Sep Blatter, who has been quiet on
the "really stupid ideas" front, muses over introducing boxing-style height
divisions in football before the realisation that John Terry would still
probably turn up to pick up the trophy in the women's 5ft and under
tournament.

The play-off season (yes there were others) continues and there isn't a dry
eye in the house as Sheffield United play Huddersfield Town in one of the
dullest matches ever seen anywhere. A bizarre penalty shoot-out takes place
which, after an incredibly poor first five penalties, finishes at 2-2. It
then gets silly as all the players considered not good enough to take any of
the first lot, bury their spot-kicks in brilliant style, leaving just the
'keepers to go. Town 'keeper Smithies dispatches his and, is able to put his
feet up as Hypocrite's net-minder Simonsen becomes an honorary Hammer by
thumping his kick into the stands. I expect we'll stop laughing eventually.

As contracts come up for renewal, it's farewell Abdoullaye Faye, John Carew,
Papa Bouba Diop, Olly Lee and Julien Faubert. Unlike last time he left these
shores, Faubert is not expected to pitch up at Real Madrid, despite having a
fine 20 minutes in the play-off final.

Rob Green is in Roy Hodgson's Euro 2012 squad amidst rumours that he'll be
on his way. The tensions between Rio Ferdinand and "England's Greatest Ever
Captain" (according to M Lipton who either needs psychiatric help or a good
slap) mean that Hodgson decides that he has room for only one of them. Terry
gets the nod meaning that he'll be there to pick up the trophy when Spain
win it. Terry warms up with a trip to Azerbaijan where he is on hand to take
a bow as Sweden win the Eurovision song contest.

In typical cack-handed style season tickets go on sale for the 12/13 season.
Season ticket holders due a 20% discount for having renewed for five
consecutive seasons are baffled by the lack of mention of the discount in
any of the stuff appearing on the official site. Eventually there's an
announcement. Sort of. "All will be revealed in the renewal packs which
we're sending out, er, soon". Another period of silence follows before an
email goes out to supporters. The dreadfully drafted missive points out that
the proposed discount would cost a lot of money and it was those beastly
Icelandic chaps that had made it in the first place. The email appears to
suggest that the original offer is invalid – though cleverly it stops just
short of actually saying so – and suggests supporters take 5% off over the
next four years instead. Crucially, it is implied that the original offer is
somehow off the table and supporters are given only the option and ability
to renew at the club's preferred rate.

When challenged again the club, realising that they are on dodgy ground
legally, finally concede that they have to honour original offer, though
even this admission is limited to those who bothered to ask and is laden
with so much emotional blackmail that one would think supporters had asked
to take money from the mouths of starving Africans, rather than simply
asking what the position was. Ironically many supporters now claiming the
20% claimed that they might have accepted the revised offer had the club not
apparently attempted to mislead them. All in all, not the finest hour for
the board who came on board with a wave of promises of openness and
transparency.

Barry Hearn is in the news again. Having at various stages been in favour of
Tottenham taking over the Olympic Stadium, then nobody taking it over, Hearn
graciously decides that we can move in after all and that he'll let us share
the place with Leyton Orient. Gosh thanks Barry. Mind if we get back to you
on that one?

Despite the discount fracas, there apparently remains enough in the coffers
to put in a £1.2m bid for Yakubu, who is seeking a Premiership club after
Blackburn's relegation. George McCartney, available on a free from
Sunderland, is also offered a permanent deal. Rob Green looks for a reported
£50k a week. This is an amount that the management seems to baulk at and the
player goes to the Euros with nothing decided as to his future.

With the goalkeeper situation in a state of flux, transfer speculation links
us with Blackburn's Paul Robinson and Bolton's Jussi Jaaskeleinen. JJ, as he
is known to anyone who has to type his name, spent much of 2011/12 on the
bench having failed to regain his place after injury. The down side for JJ's
replacement Adam Bogdan was that Bolton 'keepers have to wear pink shirts.
Which is a bit of a nightmare if you are as red-headed as Bogdan is.

Rumours of possible riots amongst fat people in velour tracksuits start to
gather pace as the Government issues a consultation document that raises the
possibility of adding VAT to Cornish pasties. The Sun newspaper leads a
campaign that is short on quotes from those against the proposed tax due to
their mouths being full every time someone calls to ask them a question.

The Soccer Aid charity match takes place at Old Trafford where the usual
70,000 crowd of people who know sod all about football is replaced by a
70,000 crowd people who know sod all about both football and music, coming,
as most of them have, to scream at Robbie Williams (once memorably described
by one of the Gallagher brothers as "that fat dancer with Take That"). The
England XI, managed by Sam Allardyce, prevails over a Rest Of The World XI
3-1. The first half highlight is the ROW's goal scored by Kasabian guitarist
Serge Pizzorno, whose chip finds David Seaman stranded off his line (how
odd, not). The second half highlight involves tv chef Gordon Ramsey who
leaves a foot in on Paddy McGuinness prompting a spot of ball throwing.
Teddy Sheringham exacts revenge by ploughing straight through the
foul-mouthed ex-Rangers (yeah right – and I played for Barcelona)
defender/chef, putting him in hospital with a shocking tackle that we really
ought to condemn but can't quite bring ourselves to do so.

There's dancing in the streets of, er, Copenhagen, as the much improved
Winston Reid picks up the award for New Zealand Footballer Of The Year,
beating off strong competition from all the other New Zealand footballers
who were in contention. Whoever they were.

Robert Mugabe comes out as a Chelsea supporter which tells you all you need
to know about both him and them. Mugabe instantly overtakes John Terry in
the list of most obnoxious people in the world with Chelsea connections,
though he fails to dislodge Tim Lovejoy from top slot. M Lipton's article
"Why Mugabe is football's greatest ever supporter" is put on hold after even
he can't get past the opening line of "Ok so he may be a ruthless dictator
with genocidal tendencies but......"

Premiership manager news and Liverpool appoint Swansea boss Brendon Rodgers
as their new manager which comes as a shock to "Dodgy" Dave Whelan who had
been mentally spending the compensation cash that he, er, sorry Wigan, would
have received had he not priced Roberto Martinez out of the market.
Following his discussion with Wigan, Liverpool supremo Ian Ayre refers to
Whelan as "a comedian" – something that confuses us on the grounds that
Whelan has never made us laugh. Then we remember the likes of Tom O'Connor,
Stan Boardman, Ken Dodd etc and realise that "being funny" isn't a
prerequisite for comedian status on Merseyside. (By the way, if anyone who
knows "Premier League Manager" Neil Warnock is reading this, can you pop
over and tell him that he can stop waiting by the 'phone now).

England's preparations for Euro 2012 are thrown into turmoil as Gareth Barry
and Frank Lampard (jr) are both ruled out by injury. Lampard (jr)'s injury
causes suspicion, coming as it does as the Government announces a U-turn
with regard to the proposed "pasty tax". Those that might otherwise be
dancing in the streets at the news that pasties will remain tax-free (if not
warm) decline the opportunity to do so on the grounds that dancing looks an
awful lot like exercise.

Lampard's withdrawal from the squad means that Hodgson at least doesn't have
to wrestle with the age old question of whether Gerrard and Lampard can play
in the same side that has troubled England managers ever since the great "do
we have room for two ludicrously overrated players in the team?" question
first came to light.

Carlsberg run a competition to give ordinary fans a chance to become part of
the England squad by completing the sentence "I think I should play for
England because...." . Mr J Henderson of Liverpool wins with his entry that
reads "some of my mates are going and they're no good at football either".
Emile Heskey considers an appeal at the decision on the grounds that
Henderson had help from his mum with the spelling, but he falls over on the
way to the post box and the appeal never makes it to Carlsberg, who, since
I've now mentioned them twice in a paragraph, ought really to think about
sending me some product.

England's final warm-up games see victories away to Norway and at home to
Belgium both by 1-0. Gary Cahill withdraws from the squad with a broken jaw.
Hodgson allows him to be replaced by Carlsberg (I'm getting thirsty here)
competition runner-up Martin Kelly (competition answer: "so I can hold my
friend Jordan's hand").

Cardiff's Malaysian owners resurrect a plan to change the club's colours
from blue to red which will make them, er, easier to see in Asia or
something and will be the solution to all their problems. Presumably nobody
called Liverpool before thinking that one up.

The final transfer speculation of the period leaves us looking at Wolves'
Michael Kightley, Wigan's Mohammed Diame, Nicholas Anelka (lately of
somewhere in China), Rangers' Stephen Naismith, Stoke's Kenwyne Jones, and,
bizarrely, Ronaldinho who has fallen out with his current employers over a
disagreement over wages, Ronaldinho believing his contract entitled him to
some.

Tottenham are rumoured to have put in a £5m bid for James Tomkins. No
official confirmation comes of the bid which is too daft to be taken
seriously. Even they're not that stupid are they?

So, to summarise, we went up. We have the Euros and the Olympics to look
forward to in the summer. The fixtures are out on June 18th. The season
starts on 18 August so Sky have a whole two months to mess up your plans,
though as usual you can probably rely on them to leave it until an hour
after you have left for the match before announcing any revised dates. Our
tv coverage will be on a bit earlier – though on past form from the BBC
that'll only be by a minute or two.

And this time next year I'll be looking back at a really dull season and
won't have had a thing to write.

Which will make a change.

Have a good summer!

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Naismith agent - No Hammers bid
Frontman focused on returning to full fitness with Gers, says agent
Last Updated: June 6, 2012 9:01am
SSN

Steven Naismith's agent has denied reports West Ham have made an approach
for the Rangers striker and says he is fully focused on continuing his Ibrox
career.
Speculation has surfaced the frontman was the subject of a £2million offer
from the Premier League new-boys but his agent, Russell Kyle, has denied
such claims.
Kyle insists Naismith, who saw his season cut short after suffering a
cruciate ligament injury in October, is concentrating on regaining full
fitness in time for the new season with Gers. He told the Daily Record: "I
can say categorically that we have had no contact with West Ham and that no
one from Rangers has been in touch to tell us Steven has been the subject of
an inquiry from them. "Steven is on holiday and his primary concern is
returning to Rangers and being fully fit for the new season."

Naismith, who has three years left to run on his contract at Ibrox,
previously attracted a £2m bid from West Brom which was rejected by the
club's administrators, Duff and Phelps. The striker has previously stated he
is optimistic of continuing his career in Glasgow despite concerns over the
financially-stricken club's future.

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West Ham Linked with a Defensive Midfielder!
By S J Chandos
West Ham Till I Die

One of the areas of the squad that defintely needs addressing this summer is
midfield anchor. Yet, so far, and it is admittedly early days, we have not
been linked with any players in that particular position. Numerous different
forwards yes, defnsive midfielders no! Until this evening that is, when it
was reported that Sam Allardyce is considering making a bid for former
Racing Club defensive midfielder, Cladio Yacob.

In the last season or two Yacob has been watched by both Man Utd and
Arsenal, without either making a move. The rumour being that they do not
feel that he is ideally suited to the frentic, fast pace of the EPL. Yet at
24 years of age, an Argentina international, and a free agent he may well be
worth a gamble.

Elsewhere, most Hammers fans were hoping for a bid for Wolves left-winger,
Matt Jarvis, but the latest rumours are that we may be going for the cheaper
option on Wolves' right wing, Micheal Knightley. He could be a good signing,
as long as he is over his past injury problems?

SJ. Chandos.

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West Ham, Southampton and Reading: Survival is the name of the game
Posted: June 5, 2012 by newshoes1984 in Reading, Southampton, West Ham
Ninetyminutesonline.com

Over the last few seasons teams coming into the Premier League from the
Championship have been more successful in avoiding relegation in their first
season. QPR, Norwich and Swansea all survived this season, whilst the likes
of Stoke, West Brom and Wigan have now established themselves as top-flight
teams. So what do the three teams that are joining this season need to do to
survive?

Reading

Reading are returning to the big time after relegation in 2008. There are
many similarities though between this team and the one that finished eighth
in their first season in the Premiership in 2006-2007. Just like that team
there are no real big stars and Reading's success comes from their solid
shape, organisation and ability to counter attack. They have experience at
the back in the shape of former Leeds man Ian Harte and Kaspars Gorkss,
Exciting wingers in Jobi McAnuff and Jimmy Kebe and hardworking strikers in
Jason Roberts and Noel Hunt.

The one different factor which may aid Reading's survival chances this time
is the backing of wealthy Russian Anton Zingarevich who recently bought 51%
of the club. Certainly Reading will need to spend and add some Premier
League experience and a proven goal scorer at the top level to the solid
base that they already have.

Southampton

The Saints last couple of seasons are very similar to that of Norwich City.
From struggling in League One Nigel Adkins has secured back-to-back
promotions to the Premier League just Like Paul Lambert did at Carrow Road.
This has been achieved by having a prolific goal scorer at Football League
level in Rickie Lambert just like Norwich has Grant Holt.

Much like Reading their success in the Championship was built on a solid
defensive unit marshalled by Jose Fonte and Jos Hooiveld with the
experienced Kelvin Davis in goal. Dean Hammond provides a good base in front
of the back four, which allows the likes of Lambert, Adam Lallana and Billy
Sharp to concentrate on scoring goals. With their current squad Southampton
have a good chance of survival but much like Reading some more Premier
League experience and strength in depth is required to give them an even
better chance.

West Ham

Everyone's favourites to bounce straight back up did it the hard way after a
2-1 play-off final victory over Blackpool. They are a side that is already
packed with Premiership and international experience with the likes of
Winston Reid, Kevin Nolan, Mark Noble and Carlton Cole to name just a few.
Despite scoring 81 goals last season ,which was the second highest in the
division, a prolific striker is still needed as they created so many chances
to win games which they drew in the Championship.

West Ham also have an advantage by having the experienced Sam Allardyce in
charge. Allardyce has been there and done it with both Bolton and Blackburn,
making Bolton a stable Premier League club and also taking Blackburn to a
comfortable mid table position. Whilst many of the West Ham fans may not
like the style of football that Allardyce plays, they cannot argue that it
gets results and his meticulous planning may be what keeps West Ham afloat
next season.

All three teams will have to spend to survive, with greater strength in
depth being an issue for all three to cope with the rigours and pace of the
top division. With three managers though who are very tactically astute and
some exciting forward players Reading, Southampton and West Ham all have a
great chance of making an impact in the Premier League next season.

By Chris Newman

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West Ham wait to pounce on Chelsea outcast Benayoun and free agent Yacob
By SPORTSMAIL REPORTER
PUBLISHED: 22:51, 6 June 2012 | UPDATED: 22:51, 6 June 2012
Daily Mail

Yossi Benayoun is expected to announce his departure from Chelsea this week,
with West Ham, Ajax and Maccabi Haifa all keen. The Israel midfielder, who
spent almost all of last season on loan at Arsenal, posted on Twitter: 'I
hope I will have some news about my future soon.' West Ham are interested in
Argentina midfielder Claudio Yacob, 24, a free agent after leaving Racing.

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West Ham United keen on Wolves winger Michael Kightly
Guardian Series
5:34pm Wednesday 6th June 2012 in News

West Ham United are reportedly keen on bringing Wolves winger Michael
Kightly to the club. The Hammers are interested in taking the former Watford
loan midfielder to Upton Park following their promotion to the Premier
League. The 26-year-old could be available for a reasonable price after
Wolves suffered relegation to the Championship.

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West Ham midfielder sets out on pro golf journey - 05/06/2012
Europrotour.com

West Ham United midfielder Gary O'Neil is eyeing a career in professional
golf once his footballing days are over. The 29-year-old has been getting a
feel for the sport by taking part in two events on the 888poker.com PGA
EuroPro Tour. The Your Golf Travel Classic at Bovey Castle in Dartmoor and
the Ulster Bank Open at Galgorm Castle in Ballymena, Northern Ireland, were
O'Neil's first appearances in professional golf and gave the former England
Under-21 international an insight to life on a pro tour.

At Bovey Castle he carded a first-round score of 79 on the par-70 course and
struggled in his second round, signing for 89 to total 28 over par for the
tournament.
However, he improved at Galgorm Castle and achieved a two-over-par 74 in his
first round and 80 in his second. "I've loved playing golf since I first
took it up," said O'Neil, who played in the two events as an amateur. "I am
realistic enough to know I need to improve a lot but if I could be a pro
golfer when my football career ends it would definitely be something I would
look to do. "Bovey Castle was my first ever professional golf event. It was
nice of the EuroPro Tour to invite me to come see what it is all about and
it was a good experience. "I play of scratch at the London Club in Kent but
it is a bit different playing there on a Sunday morning with friends than it
is playing on the EuroPro with the professional lads who are on tour doing
it week-in, week-out. "I found it difficult at Bovey but I tried to enjoy it
anyway. It was tough going and it was quite nerve-racking as well. I was
hoping to get a few weeks of practise in before I came but with West Ham
being in the play-offs I didn't have the chance. "I love my golf and I know
some of the EuroPro Tour players. I was invited to come and play a couple of
weeks and see what it is all about. It's something that, if I can get good
enough at, I'd be interested in doing once I get to 35 and stop playing
football. It's a chance to see what it was all about and how my swing would
stand up under pressure. Unfortunately it wasn't great at Bovey! "Galgorm
was slightly better; I did quite well in my first round and proved to myself
that I can shoot a half-decent score even though I didn't play great golf. I
need to do more practise; the pro golfers are fantastic and are working on
their game day in, day out. I didn't expect to go and do anything special,
it was just for the experience and I really enjoyed it. "I think my
perception of how good the pro lads are was fairly accurate. I have played
with a few of them socially before and I knew they were good. I knew I
needed to improve to reach their level and that remains the same. I don't
think there is anything major that needs changing, it's just about having
the time to be able to practise.

"A few of the guys said how good my short game is but my problem at the
moment is consistency. My bad shoots seem to be a lot worse than the bad
ones the pro lads are hitting. I hit a couple of loose ones with my driver
at Galgorm which were 40 or 50 yards off line and that will cost you two
shots straight away. For the pro lads their bad shots are sneaking into the
rough and that is about as bad is it gets. I need to repeatedly hit the ball
and try and find some more consistency. "Playing in my first professional
golf tournaments has been similar to my football debut. I don't get that
nervous anymore ahead of football matches but when I think back to how
nervous I was for my debut and for my second game it's probably quite
similar to how nervous I was at Bovey Castle and at Galgorm."

The newly-promoted Premier League football is now taking a well-earned
family holiday but will be back on the golf course at the end of June in a
bid to win a place at this year's British Open. "I'll be playing in the
British Open qualifying at the end of June," he said. "I did it two years
ago and hopefully playing on the EuroPro will stand me in good stead. I
found that more nerve-wracking than Open qualifying was two years ago, and
that will be at my home course as well, so hopefully I'll feel quite
comfortable for that. I know the course well but it is only 18 holes so you
need to have a good day, but you never know. "I love playing golf and I am
really grateful to the guys at the EuroPro Tour for inviting me to play
these two events and if they invite me next summer I'd like to get a couple
in, and then you may see me full time in about seven years!"

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West Ham United chasing Blackburn Rovers keeper Robinson
by Jack Failsworth. Published Wed 06 Jun 2012 14:30, Last updated:
2012-06-06
clicklancashire.com

According to reports West Ham United is interested in Blackburn Rovers
goalkeeper Paul Robinson. The Lancashire Telegraph claims Hammers boss Sam
Allardyce is eyeing the former England keeper. Robinson is understood to be
high up on Allardyce's wish list of replacements, having been a big admirer
of him during their time together at Ewood Park. However, it is believed
that Big Sam has other names on his short list though, including free agent
Jussi Jaaskelainen from Bolton Wanderers.

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Elior pitches up at Upton Park
Fm-world.co.uk
6 June 2012

Elior has taken over catering at Upton Park, the home of Premier League team
West Ham United, in a deal worth nearly £10 million. Elior's UK division
took over from Compass Group this month under a two-year contract, a
statement from Elior said. West Ham joins Queens Park Rangers as the second
premiership club for Elior, which also handles catering for Brighton & Hove
Albion, Rangers and Port Vale, as well as for the Murrayfield rugby pitch.
Elior is providing all match day and non-match day food and hotel services
at Upton Park, where the executive boxes are turned into bedrooms on
non-match days.

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