That Was The Season That Was 2012/13 - Part One
KUMB.com
Filed: Saturday, 8th June 2013
By: Gordon Thrower
It's that time of year again when we send Gordon Thrower down to the basement to trawl his way through the archives of the season just finished. In this, the first part of his review, he looks at the pre-season months of June and July 2012. Euro2012, pre season tours and transfer speculation are the order of the day. Anyone who enjoys the music of England Supporters Band might care to skip part one and wait for part two though.....
June
As we start our review, it's worth taking a brief stock take of where we were as June opened. The play-off trophy was safely stored in the cabinet. The club had attempted to go back on a promise to give a 20% discount to long-term season ticket holders but quietly changed their minds when it transpired that they were on somewhat dubious ground legally speaking and five out of contract players were on their toes as Carew, Bouba Diop, Faye, Lee (O), and the on loan Henri Lansbury all left the club.
First through the in door is, technically speaking, 'keeper Stephen Henderson who spent the last two months on loan from Pompey.
All the real fun and games though is to be found north of the border as Rangers' financial meltdown continues. It is finally agreed that there will be a new company as HMRC pursue the club on two separate fronts (I actually understand the technicalities of both tax cases but trust me they would bore the pants off you. They bore the pants off me and I'm a tax professional). The decision means that Rangers' league position next season will depend on the wishes of the other clubs in the Scottish League system. Manic laughter is heard coming from the corridors of Celtic Park.
On the sporting front the few hours that pass for close season these days are occupied by Euro 2012 and both Olympics and Paralympics. And, of course, all the transfer speculation, which sees us, as a newly-promoted team, linked with every player going. And most of those who aren't.
Rob Green seems set on one last payday. QPR, whose millions mean that they are happy to meet his wage demands, lead the chase for the 'keeper's signature whilst he is away on England duty. Green's departure seems to be confirmed by the arrival of Jussi Jaaskaleinen (henceforth to be known in these parts as JJ), who agrees to sign on 1 July on the expiry of his contract with relegated Bolton Wanderers. As part of the 'keeper merry-go-round 19 year old Sam Cowler leaves the club for Barnet, where he spent some time on loan the previous season.
Euro 2012 gets under way and the Irish are soon up against it against Croatia, eventually going down 3-1. Still they've only got Spain and Italy to beat to qualify for the quarters.
England battle to a 1-1 draw against France in their opening match. Lescott opens the scoring. A Frenchman equalises for France.
The big story of the match has the Ukrainian security forces showing a surprisingly sensitive streak, proving their love of music by confiscating the England Supporters' Band's instruments. A ludicrous press release is put out by the pie manufacturers who sponsor the "band" bemoaning the confiscation. The sponsor's true motives are clear, however, as cynics like myself note that the pie manufacturers manage to mention the name of the pie manufacturers no fewer than four times in the first 35 words of the release.
All hopes that the security forces might crush the instruments and deposit the resulting mangled cube of metal into the most radioactive part of Chernobyl shouting "if you want them go get them" are dashed as the instruments are returned to the "band" in pristine condition.
Niclas Bendtner scores a brace for Denmark and cheekily lowers his shorts to reveal a pair of underpants bearing the name of a well-known bookies. The well-known bookies just happens not to be one of UEFA's own "strategic partners" for Euro2012. Worse still the undies are bright green. UEFA's disciplinary hit squad go into full and fearless action and fine Bendtner €100,000. While they're at it the same people fine the Croatian FA €80,000 over racist chanting. Glad to see that the authorities are taking the evil of players sponsored undies so seriously.
In the aftermath of "y-frontgate" UEFA receives dozens of letters pointing out that the sponsors of the England Supporters Band are also most emphatically NOT one of their strategic partners and suggesting similar sanctions. UEFA, however, refuse to act other than to tell me that unless I stop writing to them they'll call the police.
On the box, without a car window to speak through, Harry Redknapp seems ill at ease as a Euro 2012 pundit. He denies that he's about to leave Spurs, saying that he has plans to sit down and talk with Daniel Levy "when the time is right". A few days later Harry Redknapp sits down and talks with Daniel Levy and leaves Spurs. Back on familiar territory speaking through a car window, Redknapp claims that he'd have been on his way whether or not they'd qualified for the So-called Champions League. Redknapp's discomfort is complete when he is handed a P45 and told "it's a tax form". Meanwhile Spurs players are found checking their contracts to see whether their bonuses depended on finishing 4th or on So-called Champions League qualification with the canny Spurs management having noted the subtle but important difference.
Having earlier messed up on a potential payday by messing Liverpool about, the scrupulously honest and in no way shape or form "dodgy" Dave Whelan starts to hawk Roberto Martinez about again in a none-too-subtle manner. "I would not stand in his way if Spurs asked to talk with him" says Dave. Martinez maintains a dignified silence despite his Chairman's apparent keenness to cash in. Spurs, for their part, carry on looking in the direction of that bloke who managed Chelsea for a few minutes last season.
On the transfer speculation front we are linked with West Brom's Jonas Olsson and ex-Real Madrid favourite Guti, who was last seen not plying his trade in Turkey. Speculation also links us with a move for Palace's Wilfried Zaha, with Sam Baldock possibly going the other way in part-exchange. Both Palace and the Baggies deny any thoughts of a move, though Glaziers' boss Dougie Friedman admits he'd be interested in Baldock if he were to come on the market.
Back in (what used to be part of) the USSR and Poland, Euro 2012 moves on as, in the Group of Debt, Ireland get a 4-0 tonking from Spain. Ireland are so outclassed that even Fernando Torres is able to help himself to a brace. The gulf in playing strength is emphasised as the Irish bring on Stoke's Jon Walters as a sub, just before Cesc Fabregas comes on for the Spanish.
The England Supporters' Band's sponsors negotiate with the security services and ensure that there is no confiscation of instruments for the Sweden match. Unfortunately. Somewhere in between the 14th rendition of "God Save the Queen" and fifteenth of "The Great Escape" England take a 1-0 lead through Andy Carroll and look comfortable at the interval. The second half is a bit daft as Carroll undoes his good work by giving away a free-kick from which Mellberg (assisted by Glen Johnson's attempted clearance) equalises. Four England markers are caught not marking as Mellberg makes it 2-1 to the Swedes as tabloid writers start to dust off those turnip headlines. Sub Walcott equalises with a shot that appears to deceive the 'keeper by not swerving all over the place and Walcott is also on hand to set up a brilliant/lucky/both brilliant & lucky back-heel from Welbeck to seal the points for England and send the Swedes packing.
Had I bothered to listen to the press conference that the England Supporters' Band's sponsors probably held, they'd have told us how the win had been down to the band's renditions of "God Save The Queen", "England 'Til I Die", "Rule Britannia" and "the Great Escape". However, if there was a press conference I didn't tune in. The band doesn't seem to bother so why should I?
Back home the latest round of tv rights negotiations are concluded with Sky and BT shelling out a reported £3bn for the privilege of ruining supporters travel plans' from 2013/14 onwards. For a while I have a vision of clubs using the extra dosh to reduce silly amounts of debt and cut ticket prices for spectators. However, I then wake up and realise that it'll just mean hyperinflated salaries paid to players as usual. The prospect of having Maureen Lipman doing the half-time summaries does not improve the mood ("the boy's got an 'ology in finishing").
Out come the fixtures and we're at home to Villa on the opening day. Or night. Or following day. Or following Monday. In Scotland the basket case that is Rangers is currently going through liquidation with the new company that is taking over far from certain that it will be allowed back into the SPL. The Scottish fixtures are released with Rangers' place being listed as "Club 12" which is either the football team equivalent of "A N Other" or the Scots have allowed a team from a Glasgow nightclub to enter. Either way Celtic fans cover themselves by getting T-shirts printed bearing the slogan "we only hate Club 12".
Back in the Euros, the Group of Debt comes to its conclusion with Italians muttering darkly about the potential for a spot of match fixing in the Spain v Croatia match, from which a 2-2 draw will eliminate them. Funny how the Italians seem to be able to work out all the potential fixes in their heads. Years of practice I suppose.
In the end Spain win 1-0 and the Italians send the Irish home pointless with a 2-0 win to qualify for the quarter finals. Italy's second comes from Man City nut-job Balotelli who volleys home a Diamanti corner. That's the Diamanti who we flogged to Brescia a while back by the way. Any time you'd like to send the money over Brescia feel free.
Unlike the Spain/Italy group, where a certain combination of results would have left the final positions being decided by the reading of tea leaves or something, England's group is relatively straightforward and a draw will be enough to see us through. Ukraine dominate possession but we take the lead early in the second half when a poor cross from Gerrard is mis-hit by a defender and dropped by a 'keeper for Rooney to nod home from about two inches. Commentators immediately pronounce Gerrard's cross as "world class". ITV's Jamie Carragher proves he's as poor a pundit as he is a player by gazing lovingly at the replays of Gerrard's "masterstroke".
Ukraine appear to equalise later on when Hart can only partly save a shot which John Terry clears from a few feet over the line. The extra official behind the line refuses to break with tradition by actually doing anything about it. Carragher claims that the ball stayed out thanks to the "warmth of Stevie G's wonderfulness, or something". Others point out a marginal offside in the build-up that wasn't given. In the end France's 2-0 defeat to Sweden renders the whole debate academic and England top the group.
Predictably, post-match sees a renewed clamour for the introduction of technology for such occasions. An England supporter said: "we can put men on the moon and clone sheep so surely it should be possible to come up with something to nullify the racket of that bloody band?"
Back on the transfer radar and Wigan midfielder Mohamad Diame agrees to sign for the club on expiry of his contract at the end of July. Diame comes in as a free agent on a three-year deal. No transfer fee there Dave – any luck flogging Martinez yet?
Rob Green's future is decided as QPR are confirmed as his next club. He'll get a round of applause from me anyway when he returns to the Boleyn – and I suspect I won't be alone.
News round-ups and the Sun proves once more that it's ahead of the pack when it comes to serious investigative journalism by uncovering the brand of hair-gel worn by Wayne Rooney during the Ukraine match. If you're that interested go away and look it up. Actually if you're that interested just go away.
More daftness as a primary school in Hull bans pupils from playing football in break time during Euro 2012 on the grounds that the kids are "putting in dangerous tackles and fighting in school. Stoke City immediately dispatch their chief scout to have a look.
We pull Italy in the quarter finals of the Euros and, to be frank, they murder us 0-0. ITV's desperate attempts to have Steven Gerrard canonised plumb new depths as the midfielder is left chasing shadows for the whole match. The real nadir is reached as an Italian pulls a shot wide when it would have been easier to score. "Gerrard just did enough there" comments a hopeful commentator, though the replay shows that Gerrard isn't even in the picture as the hapless Italian panics with only Joe Hart to beat.
England go out in traditional style in a penalty shootout, something that now happens so often whoever missed for England (no, I can't remember either) doesn't even get a pizza advert in consolation.
Serial irritant Barry Hearn is at it again. Hearn is irritating is because, unlike the England Supporters Bloody Band, you never know what tune he will be playing, even though the chorus will, you suspect, see Barry Hearn personally earn a lot of money. Not wanting West Ham United on his doorstep, despite the fact that we've been there for years anyway, Hearn's latest melody sees him deciding that he will, graciously, allow us to share the Olympic Stadium with them should we be awarded it. "Gosh. Thanks Barry. Mind if we get back to you on that one" says nobody at all. Meanwhile, in similar vein, I'd be willing to share the proceeds of any multi-rollover lotto jackpots should any of you win one.
Spurs are always good for a laugh as the club shop slashes the price of Champions League commemorative mugs, their value being somewhat limited by the fact that Chelsea's win in the other match that took place 19 May meant that Spurs would have to make do with the Happy Shopper Europa League. Three mugs for £2 is the offer, or perhaps a description of their fanbase.
Over at Wigan, Dave Whelan continues to hear the happy sound of cash registers chiming and reminds all and sundry to the effect that he still wouldn't stand in Roberto Martinez's way if a bigger club were to come in for him. Say, Spurs, for example. The powers that be at White Hart Lane cop a deaf 'un to Whelan and finally appoint Anders Villas Boas to the role, marking a return to London for football's least convincing set of facial hair.
July
The month opens with the conclusion of Euro 2012. The Spanish add the European title to their World Cup win with a comprehensive 4-0 defeat of England's conquerors Italy.
Mo Diame's signing is confirmed, as Dave Whelan is seen crying his eyes out on the realisation that it's a free transfer. Our Staff Writer greets the Senegal international in time-honoured kumb-punning style thusly: "Your In Diame Now". He doesn't get out much.
Another 'keeper departs. Marek Stech is off to scrumpy country where he'll sign for Yeovil. Saddest goodbye, perhaps, is the departure of Freddie Sears to Colchester. An early career that seemed to promise so much sadly petered out at the Boleyn. A loan deal to a Palace side managed by Neil "Colin" Warnock seemed to ruin him. That's something else to dislike the gormless hypocrite for, then.
Rumours start to appear that we are in for Andy Carroll on a possible loan deal as Brendan Rodgers makes it clear that he doesn't fancy the player. We all rack our heads trying to work out the last time that we were linked with a £35m player. The rumours are given a boost by the presence of Carroll's mate Kevin Nolan at the Boleyn, and the fact that Nolan, Allardyce and James Tomkins are all represented by controversial agent Mark Curtis.
Rookie striker Christian Montano rejects a new deal and states that he is looking for a new deal abroad. Or Oldham as it transpires. Geography not Montano's strong suit then.
As one moves out another comes in. Modibo Maiga arrives on a deal worth a potential £7m from Sochaux, which, unlike Oldham, is proper abroad. France I think you'll find. One of those places anyway. "I hope that this is the start of a beautiful friendship" the former Casablanca striker ought to have said. But didn't.
A West Ham side takes home either the first trophy of the season or the last one of the previous year depending on which way you look at it. The Supporters Veterans XI come away with the team of the tournament trophy at the annual Worldnet tournament. Despite going out in the first knockout stage the organisers are impressed by the team's sporting spirit and by the team motto of "we're only here because Dignitas was shut". Which basically means we (yes I was there) were too old and slow to kick anyone.
John Terry is acquitted of racially abusing Anton Ferdinand in the magistrates court as it becomes clear that the evidence against him is not strong enough to give a "beyond reasonable doubt" verdict. With the court case done the FA's own proceedings commence with a "balance of probability" test determining Terry's guilt or otherwise.
Real Mallorca centre-back Ivan Ramis, who I'm sure was the chap with glasses in Ghostbusters, you know, the one that wasn't Bill Murray or Dan Ackroyd, is linked with a move to the Boleyn. For a while anyway.
Guti turns up at the Austrian training camp where we're spending pre-season but ends up not signing. Eventually he opts for retirement, just to be on the safe side should Spurs make an offer.
Meanwhile official bids for Andy Carroll seem to be getting nowhere. Maybe Brendan Rodgers is too busy getting into the age-old Liverpool tradition of illegal transfer dealings as Fulham make official complaints about the less than subtle tapping up of Clint Dempsey.
James Tomkins joins up with the GB Olympic team as the games open up the road. Speaking as one who usually hates sporting ceremonies I am impressed by the Danny Boyle-produced event which, apart from being surprisingly entertaining also contains decent slabs of music and, the crowning moment, Bubbles. The England Supporters Band are, thankfully, nowhere to be seen, or , more accurately, are thankfully nowhere to be heard. The games themselves go marvellously well despite all the gloom and doom merchants and the host nation perks up the country no end with a bumper hall of medals.
The team includes three trialists on a trip to Germany where Rot Weiss Efurt fail to put in sufficient, er, efurt, as we beat them 3-0. Colin Kazim-Richards, Bilel Moshni and Dutchman Michael Lamy all spend some time on the pitch but we don't end up signing any of them, none of which stops our Staff Writer sticking up a headline entitled "Taking The Michael".
The tour continues with a 3-0 defeat by Dinamo Dresden and a 2-2 draw with Energie Cottbus. The fact that the Cottbus side are called "Energie" is the only fact that anyone knows about the town of Cottbus. One wonders if the Cottbus equivalent of Sheffield United is called "Lethargy" Cottbus?
Don't worry - the season finally gets to start in part two.....
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The Case For Signing Darren Bent
By Iain Dale
West Ham Till I Die
Regardless of whether we end up signing Andy Carroll (and his delay in giving an answer is beginning to feel downright rude) there is little doubt that we will be signing at least two or even three new strikers over the summer. I trust we will keep Rob Hall and use him from the bench, but he seems to be happier playing on the wing rather than through the middle.
Darren Bent is a striker I have always rated. He scores goals wherever he goes, and that's what we need next season. He turned us down once before, which is a black mark against him, but we shouldn't be so petty as to let that stand in the way of someone who could play for us or four seasons and score 60 or 70 goals.
He's had a torrid time at Villa under Paul Lambert and clearly wants to get away. I reckon Sam could get the best out of him. And he's a complete player - can score with both feet and his head. Look at his record- 362 apperances, 150 goals - that's 1 goal per 2.41 games. When did we last have a striker who was that prolific? He's also capable of playing in a 4-5-1 formation as well as a 4-4-2. He can also play on the wing if he has to.
I reckon Villa would sell him for £6-8 million. Whaddaya reckon? Worth a punt?
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West Ham join the chase for Wigan's Arouna Kone as part of squad re-moulding
8 Jun 2013 23:00
The Mirror
Sam Allardyce is ready to do battle for Arouna Kone's signature with the forward's old boss Roberto Martinez, writes the Sunday People's Tom Hopkinson .
Kone is one of several Wigan players tipped to follow Martinez to Goodison Park after the Spaniard joined Everton last week. However, West Ham gaffer Allardyce is also keen to snap him up, and will urge co-owners David Sullivan and David Gold to rival any Everton offer as he re-moulds his squad ahead of the new campaign. The Ivory Coast international was one of the few shining lights at the DW Stadium last season. Although Wigan were relegated from the Premier League his form did not go unnoticed as he scored 11 goals for Martinez's doomed side. Kone joined the Latics from La Liga side Sevilla in a £2.7million, three-year deal last summer after spending a season on loan at Levante.
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West Ham Swoop for Liverpool Striker Andy Carroll In Balance Reveals Chairman David Gold
Insidefutbol.com
Saturday, 8th June, 2013
West Ham United chairman David Gold has revealed that the odds of the club signing Andy Carroll on a permanent basis from Liverpool have shrunk, with the move now being in the balance. The Hammers have been pushing to take Carroll on a permanent basis from the Reds after the England striker spent last season on loan at Upton Park. Gold had insisted that the odds were in West Ham's favour over keeping the former Newcastle man, rating it at 60/40. However, Gold has now reduced that, explaining that the odds are now firmly 50/50. Responding to a fan question via his Twitter account, when asked what odds he would give the move happening now, he replied "50/50". Carroll managed 26 appearances for West Ham in the Premier League last season, scoring seven goals in the process. His campaign was disrupted by injury, but the striker showed manager Sam Allardyce enough to warrant an effort being made to keep him at the club.
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Lukaku staying with Chelsea
Football365
Romelu Lukaku will play his football at Chelsea next season after holding productive talks with Jose Mourinho. The 20-year-old scored 17 Premier League goals while on loan at West Brom last term and previously said he would like to stay at The Hawthorns for another year. But a conversation with Mourinho has convinced the Belgium striker he can compete for a place with the likes of Fernando Torres and Demba Ba and still fulfil his dream of going to next summer's World Cup finals. "I always said my ambition was to play for Chelsea," said Lukaku, who cost £18m when he arrived from Anderlecht in August 2011. "Now I will go back to Stamford Bridge and try and play even more games than I did at West Brom. If I can score a few early on, it can turn into a really good season for me. "I have had a good conversation with Jose Mourinho, and I know it's up to me to show I'm worth a place. "It is the World Cup next year, and I need to be playing. But if I don't get in the Chelsea team often enough, then I won't deserve to be in the national squad. "I am not afraid of that. I am determined to succeed with Chelsea next season. I want to prove myself. "People will compare me with Didier Drogba, and he was always my hero. But I am my own man, and I want to be known for what I do."
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West Ham turn sights on Wilfried Bony after fearing snub from Andy Carroll
Telegraph.co.uk
By Jason Burt10:00PM BST 08 Jun 2013
West Ham are considering a £12 million bid for Vitesse Arnhem striker Wilfried Bony after growing less confident of signing England striker Andy Carroll. The London club have agreed a £15.5 million fee with Liverpool for Carroll, who spent last season on loan at Upton Park. But the player is understood to be unsure as to whether to make the deal permanent, even though he has been informed by Liverpool that he has no future under manager Brendan Rodgers. Carroll is on holiday in the United States, but is due to return soon. West Ham manager Sam Allardyce had hoped to hear from Carroll last week but now fears that he will not be joining them, even though it is unlikely he will receive a better offer elsewhere. Newcastle United, Carroll's former club, remain interested but will not pay anywhere near the valuation Liverpool have placed on the 24-year-old, even though it is almost £20 million less than he was sold for in January 2011.
West Ham, who failed with a bid for Sevilla's Alvaro Negredo last week, have already held talks with Bony's representatives about a possible move, although they are not the only Premier League club interested in the prolific 24-year-old Ivory Coast international, who was the Eredivisie's top-scorer last season with 31 goals. Stoke City had been thought to be favourites to sign Bony. The departure of Tony Pulis as manager may have changed their plans, although his replacement, Mark Hughes, is in the market for a striker.
If West Ham fail to secure Bony, they have also given consideration to making bids for either Stuttgart's Martin Harnik, an Austrian international who can play on the wing, and Eintracht Frankfurt's Algerian international Karim Matmour. Harnik, 25, has three years left on his deal and West Ham considered making a move for him last January. Matmour, whose contract expires this month, with an option to extend, has already claimed to have received three offers, including at least one from the Premier League. Fulham have previously been linked to the 27-year-old. West Ham are also weighing up a move for former Chelsea forward Salomon Kalou, who left Stamford Bridge when his contract expired last summer. The Ivory Coast international is keen to return to England after just a season in France with Lille. Greek side Olympiakos are interested in signing him.
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