Daily WHUFC News - 15th April 2016

Randolph - It wasn't to be
WHUFC.com

Darren Randolph said the Hammers gave it their all in their Emirates FA Cup
sixth round replay against Manchester United, but were denied a Wembley
semi-final by an inspired David de Gea in the other goal. West Ham came to
life in the final ten minutes after James Tomkins' goal gave them hope at
2-0 down, but de Gea made outstanding saves from Cheikhou Kouyate and Andy
Carroll to prevent yet another Hammers comeback. Randolph was understandably
disappointed at his team's Cup exit, but still proud of their efforts to get
this close to the final four.
He said: "We tried, but it wasn't enough [in the end]. We could have grabbed
another late equaliser, and a winner, but the keeper has made some great
saves. It wasn't to be. "We had chances at Old Trafford, and played well up
there. We didn't think they'd play at the same standard as they did then,
because they are a good team no matter where they are in the league.
"They performed tonight when they needed to."

The Hammers still have plenty to play for this season with European
qualification up for grabs and Randolph insists the Hammers won't allow this
result to affect the rest of the campaign.
"We're still in a great position and there's still so much to play for," he
added. "The good thing is we've got another game on Sunday - a massive game.
"We'll dust ourselves off quickly and then concentrate on Sunday, pushing up
the league and finishing as high as we can."

For Randolph personally, the Cup run has given him a chance to shine in his
first season in east London and he will take much from it. He explained: "I
enjoyed the run. It's the furthest I've got in the FA Cup, we've played
against some good teams and there are lots of positives to be taken from the
run. "I believe some of performances in the FA Cup have helped us maintain
unbeaten runs in the league and pick up points."

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Payet shortlisted for PFA Player of the Year WHUFC.com

Dimitri Payet has been shortlisted for the Men's PFA Players' Player of the
Year award after an outstanding first season at West Ham United. The
29-year-old Frenchman has been in outstanding form ever since making the
move to the Boleyn Ground from Marseille, scoring 12 goals and assisting
eleven in just 32 games for the Club. His influence has been clear as the
Hammers have launched an assault on European qualification in both league
and Cup, and now his contribution his been recognised by his fellow pros.
Players from over 100 clubs - Premier League, Football League and WSL - have
voted for the awards, with the winners being announced in the annual
ceremony at London's Grosvenor House Hotel on Sunday 24 April. The France
international is up against Tottenham's Harry Kane, Arsenal's Mesut Ozil and
Leicester trio Jamie Vardy, N'Golo Kante and Riyad Mahrez for the top prize.
Payet has already won the Willow Foundation's London Footballer of the Year
award this season and will be hoping to add to his trophy haul later this
month.

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Bilic - It's a huge disappointment
WHUFc.com

Slaven Bilic admitted West Ham United had simply been beaten by the better
team on the night as Manchester United burst the Hammers' Emirates FA Cup
bubble. The last-ever tie at the Boleyn Ground promised a Wembley
semi-final, but ended in a deflating 2-1 defeat by Louis van Gaal's Red
Devils. After a bright start, Marcus Rashford and Marouane Fellaini fired
the visitors two goals up. James Tomkins gave West Ham hope before David de
Gea made a string of saves to send the visitors through. "It's a huge
disappointment for us and for me, of course," the manager told West Ham TV.
"The players are gutted in the dressing room, but we have to admit they were
the better side for the majority of the game. "They had the composure. We
had the energy, but we didn't have the quality in the phase of the game when
we had the ball. It wasn't on the top level and that's why we were really
good in the first 15 and last 20 minutes, but apart from that they passed
and kept the ball better. They stretched us and they deserved to go through.
"OK we created more than enough chances to equalise and to get the game into
extra-time but it wasn't to be. Their goalkeeper made a few good saves, but
overall they were the better side tonight."
Where West Ham have been literally unbeatable on home turf since last
August, on Wednesday they fell two goals behind and finally found a mountain
that was too steep to climb. For the middle 60 minutes of the game,
Manchester United snapped into every challenge more strongly and passed the
ball more accurately than their hosts, scoring two vital goals in the
process.
When asked why that might have been, Bilic was making no excuses. "OK, first
of all I spoke to their staff and they said it was by far the best
performance from them in the last few months. They are Manchester United and
they are capable of doing that and have done so on a few occasions this
season. "Second of all, I don't think it has anything to do with the
importance of the game and all that. Some players were not on a level and
sometimes it's hard to find a reason. There's no big reason there, but it is
enough at this level to lose that split-second or couple of yards. "For some
players, perhaps the game on Saturday took a lot out of them, but then they
had a game on Sunday, so it may happen to them as well. "It was the small
things we were lacking - composure on the ball and without that you can't
play fluently and that's what happened in our game. We had our phases but we
didn't have our rhythm and their step was much quicker and stronger than
ours."
The season is not over, however, and Bilic has backed his players to lick
their wounds and come out strongly as West Ham continue their challenger for
a UEFA Europa League place at Leicester City on Sunday. "No, no, no, the
season is not over. We are still in this season big time. Of course it's a
huge disappointment but we have six big games and we're going to try to
finish as high as possible. "They are disappointed tonight and tomorrow but
we have a few days until we face Leicester and we will bounce back."

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Hammers clinch third Kicks title in a row
WHUFC.com

West Ham United Foundation made it three tournament wins in as many years as
its mixed U16s side continued their impressive Premier League Kicks Cup form
with a victory in the 2016 event.

Under intermittent spring showers, the young Hammers gathered at Forest
Recreation Ground in Nottingham to put their skills to the test in a
competitive tournament against 52 other Premier and Football League clubs.

After five hours of competition, the Irons beat Leicester City 2-0 in a well
contested final to seal the Foundation's third Kicks Cup in a row.

A vintage defensive showing saw the team go the entire competition without
conceding a goal, while racking up an impressive 24 goals en route to the
coveted trophy.

Francis John-Baptiste, who scored both goals in the final, was delighted to
come away with the Kicks Cup: "I was really nervous in the final and all I
wanted to do was help the team. It's an amazing feeling to have won the
competition, especially as this makes it three years in a row for West Ham!"

The mixed U16s side that also included Claudio Boakye, Andrejus
Bagdanavicius, Sam Mvemba, Yonis Farah, Evandro Goncalves Semedo, Laquan
Liddell and Edon Hodaj are all current participants on West Ham United
Foundation Kicks programme.

George Chukwuma, Foundation Community Sports Officer and coach of the team
expressed his delight at lifting the trophy for a third year in a row, but
was clear that that there was more to it than winning for the youngsters:

"Obviously we are over the moon to have won the mixed competition for a
third year in a row, but just to be invited and have the opportunity to
bring our Kicks participants up here for a full day of football is
incredible.

"To have the chance to wear the West Ham United badge and represent the Club
gives the kids so much confidence and a real sense of belonging. They should
be tremendously proud of themselves."

The Foundation also saw a girl's U16 side compete in the tournament, where
they fought hard within a tough group which included Liverpool and
Tottenham, before exiting the competition.

Nick Perchard, Acting Head of Community Development at the Premier League
stated: "The Premier League Kicks Cup is the culmination of the programme
over the year. It's really our opportunity to thank the clubs and thank the
young people that come regularly to the programme every week and give them
the opportunity to meet other people from different parts of the country."

All the players at the Forest Recreation Ground participate in the Premier
League Kicks project, which uses the appeal of clubs to engage young people
in disadvantaged areas of the country, giving them the chance to do
something positive with their time.

The Premier League Kicks programme began in 2006 as a pilot project in
London between the Premier League, Sport England and the Metropolitan Police
with the aim of using football to bring communities together and to engage
with young people. This year's event saw 53 Premier League and Football
League clubs descend on Nottingham for the competition with 77 U16 teams –
52 mixed and 25 girls play for the chance to be crowned champions.

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Former Player Blog - Tony Cottee
WHUFC.com

Ex-West Ham forward Tony Cottee was disappointed with the Hammers' exit from
the Emirates FA Cup this week, but he hopes Slaven Bilic's side can bounce
back against another of his former clubs, Leicester City…

Hello everyone,

I was absolutely gutted after the defeat to Manchester United on Wednesday
night. It was a great opportunity for us to get to Wembley and for whatever
reason, I don't think we played our best stuff. We did OK for the first 15
minutes, but then United took control of the game.

I think it was more of a case of us being off our game as opposed to them
being that good, to be honest. It was disappointing but we will hopefully
bounce back.

It's been an excellent season overall though, and when you look back, you
can say getting to the quarter-finals of the FA Cup is still an achievement
in itself. That doesn't happen all the time. The league form has been really
good, we've generally been consistent and we've had some fantastic away
performances too.

We haven't lost at home since August in the league, so hopefully it's a
blip. We've got six really important games left now, starting with Leicester
on Sunday which I'll be going to, and hopefully we can still pick up the
points to keep us in the hunt for Europe.

Personally, I want to see us playing in Europe next season, as that's the
part of the next stage in our progression as a Club.

Obviously as a former Leicester player, it's great to see how well they're
performing this season. Unless you're a Spurs fan, I think everyone else
wants Leicester to go on and win the Premier League. It will be really good
for football if they do. They've been the best team this year, even though
they don't necessarily have the best squad as whole. They play as a team,
though, and that's what's been so important.

Whatever way you look at it, it will be tough on Sunday but we have to pick
ourselves up and go to Leicester to put in a performance. I'd like to think
we can get at least a draw. I think we'll make it awkward for Leicester and
I certainly don't expect us to go there and roll over.

We'll give a good account of ourselves and we're certainly capable of
winning, there's no doubt about that. But, we'll need to perform better than
we did on Wednesday evening. If we turn up with our A-game, I think we'll
give Leicester a real battle.

The views expressed in this article are not necessarily the views of West
Ham United.

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Chadwell Chatter - Angelo Ogbonna
WHUFC.com

Ciao,

We are all very disappointed with the result against Manchester United in
the FA Cup.

It was an emotional night being the last ever cup tie at the Boleyn Ground
but I don't think that was the reason we suffered a defeat.

We still had good chances to find an equaliser late in the game but this is
football.

Maybe we were a bit unlucky but hopefully next season we can do even better.

This has still been a very good season for us and we went ten games unbeaten
so this is the first defeat in a long time.

But we have to look forward quickly to the next game because we still have a
lot to play for in the league and we want to stay in Champions League
contention – we have to fight for that.

We have to forget this result quickly and move on.

We have to do our best in the final few games of the season and we have
showed a great spirit throughout the season.

We have a really good chance to move up the table and we still have another
home game against Manchester United.

The Premier League is unbelievable and we can still achieve big things this
season.

Enjoy the game on Sunday.

Angelo

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West Ham at the Olympic Stadium: My dog could've done a better deal - Barry
Hearn
By Frank Keogh & Jamie Broughton
BBC Sport

Former Leyton Orient chairman Barry Hearn says his dog could have negotiated
better than venue bosses after details of West Ham's Olympic Stadium
contract were published. The Hammers will pay £2.5m rent annually but will
not have to fund police, stewarding, heating, pitch maintenance, or even
corner flags. "My dog could have negotiated a better deal for the taxpayer,"
said Hearn. West Ham said it was "a great deal" for the club and the public.
The Premier League club move to the 60,000-seater stadium from the Boleyn
Ground, which has a 35,000 capacity, at the end of this season. Olympic
Stadium bosses, the London Legacy Development Corporation (LLDC), fought a
ruling that the deal should be published, but the appeal was rejected this
week.

On Thursday, full details of the 207-page contract were published for the
first time, including that:

The first £4m of any naming rights deal will go to the LLDC and Newham
borough, with anything above that between the two bodies and West Ham
although the amount is capped.

The rent will be halved to £1.25m if West Ham are relegated.

Extra payments West Ham could make

£1m if they win the Champions League £100,000 if they win the FA Cup or
Europa League, or qualify for it

£250,000 if they qualify for Champions League group stages (All payments,
including rent, are linked to inflation) £375,000 if they finish in
the
top five in the Premier League, with smaller payments for other lower
positions in the top 10

West Ham have paid £15m towards the £272m costs of transforming the stadium
into a football venue.

Hearn, who unsuccessfully tried to get the Hammers to groundshare with
Orient at the Olympic Stadium, told BBC Sport: "It's a hugely beneficial
deal to West Ham and good luck to them. "They've negotiated a good deal. I
can't say the same for the LLDC who should go back to negotiation school.
"Frankly it was a hot potato that [London mayor] Boris Johnson and the LLDC
wanted to get rid of. They wanted to close a deal at any price and they will
say 'quite rightly because we didn't have anyone else'."

The LLDC fought publication on the grounds of commercial sensitivity and
fear the decision to publish will cost it million of pounds in lost revenue.
West Ham move to the 60,000-capacity Olympic Stadium at the end of the
season, where they will pay rent of £2.5m a year
"The stadium needs to be a profitable and successful commercial operation,
otherwise it will rely on public subsidy," said a spokesperson.
West Ham insist the club have nothing to hide and believe their position as
anchor tenant helps ensure the stadium does not become a "white elephant".
"We were unanimously chosen as the anchor tenant, above others, including
football clubs such as Tottenham Hotspur and Leyton Orient, as we offered
the best deal and the only option for a true and lasting legacy," said a
Hammers statement. The deal was published after a lengthy legal battle
following an initial freedom of information request from an alliance of 14
supporters' groups. "This is a victory for the power of football supporters
- organised, focused and willing to work together to achieve a collective
goal," said a coalition statement. Aside from West Ham, who will rent the
venue for 25 days a year, the venue will host concerts and other sporting
events, including the IAAF and IPC Athletics World Championships next year.

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Mark Noble: No action over Ander Herrera carry for West Ham skipper
BBC.co.uk

West Ham captain Mark Noble will face no action for carrying Manchester
United's Ander Herrera off the pitch during Wednesday's FA Cup tie.
With West Ham trailing, Herrera was being attended by the physio for a foot
injury that led to him being replaced. The Football Association believes
Noble's action was non-aggressive and referee Roger East was aware of it.
Manchester United went on to win 2-1 to set up a semi-final against Everton
at Wembley on 23 April.

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West Ham to pay £2.5m Olympic Stadium rent per year
BBC.co,uk

West Ham will pay £2.5m a year to rent the 60,000-seater Olympic Stadium, it
has been revealed after the deal was made public following a legal
battle.The ground's owners, the London Legacy Development Corporation
(LLDC), fought a ruling that the contract should be published, but the
appeal was rejected this week. West Ham will pay the sum per year over the
99-year lease, the 207-page document has revealed. The Hammers move in this
summer. The first £4m of any naming rights deal will go to the LLDC and
Newham borough, with anything above that between the two bodies and West
Ham, although the amount is capped.

The rent will be halved to £1.25m if West Ham are relegated.

The LLDC, which had spent thousands of pounds fighting the ruling, said the
decision could cost the organisation "millions of pounds".

But it has decided not to appeal against the tribunal's ruling.

Extra payments West Ham could have to make annually
£1m if they win the Champions League £100,000 if they win the FA Cup or
Europa League, or qualify for it
£250,000 if they qualify for the Champions League group stages (All payments
linked to inflation) £375,000 if they finish in the top five in the
Premier League, with smaller payments for other lower positions in the top
10
The club were awarded tenancy of the London 2012 stadium in 2013, and at
least £272m has been spent to convert the site for use as a Premier League
ground.

West Ham have contributed £15m towards those costs. Last year a BBC
documentary revealed the club was having many of the running costs of the
stadium paid for it by the taxpayer under the terms of the tenancy
agreement.

The Hammers will not have to pay for a range of things including policing,
stewarding, goalposts, corner flags, cleaners and turnstile operators.
Heating and lighting costs will also be covered by the stadium managers.

However, stadium bosses point out that this is normal for a rental
agreement, using the analogy that you would not expect to hire a badminton
court and not have nets supplied.

A coalition of 14 supporters' trusts from around the country submitted a
Freedom of Information request to obtain that tenancy agreement and believe
the deal gives West Ham, who have played at Upton Park since 1904, a
competitive advantage.

West Ham say they have nothing to hide, believe it is a "great deal" for the
club and the taxpayer, and say the stadium offers a true legacy.

The club added: "Someone renting the stadium for 25 days a year cannot be
responsible for 365 days' running costs."

A coalition of 14 supporters' groups and trusts of several different clubs
campaigned for the information to be released. In a statement it said: "This
is the right decision for the taxpayer, and the right decision for
football."

Pressure group the Taxpayers' Alliance called the deal "ludicrously
generous" and said questions remain for "those responsible for offering a
deal for which most clubs would have sold their star striker".

Analysis

BBC Sport's Frank Keogh:

"After a long-running legal row, campaigners have finally succeeded in
getting all the details of the Olympic Stadium deal made public.

"That is unlikely to completely end the story, with critics saying West Ham
have got a new stadium on the cheap.

"The Hammers are keeping their distance, although insist by becoming a
high-profile anchor tenant, the club is helping to ensure the venue does not
become a 'white elephant'. As a tenant, it also misses out on benefits of
added income which a venue owner enjoys.

"Focus may now turn to the stadium rights arrangement, and quite how much
the Hammers might benefit from that."

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West Ham 1-2 Manchester United: Slaven Bilic admits best team won By Pete
Hall at Upton Park Last Updated: 14/04/16 7:16am SSN

West Ham boss Slaven Bilic conceded the better team won as Manchester United
earned a 2-1 victory in their FA Cup quarter-final replay at Upton Park. The
Hammers did not build on their impressive showing against Arsenal at the
weekend, and starved Andy Carroll of any real service as United ran out
deserved winners in the last-ever cup tie at the Boleyn Ground. Goals from
Marcus Rashford and Marouane Fellaini put United two goals to the good,
before James Tomkins made things interesting for the final 11 minutes.
United held on, and Bilic agreed with the sentiment that the Hammers were
second best, and looked dejected as he admitted that United were good value
for the victory. "They were better in two thirds of the game," Bilic said.
"We were really good in the first 15 minutes and the last 20, but other than
that their passing was better than ours. "Some of their players looked
fresher, stronger and quicker. We tried, we created chances to equalise, but
they were better than us for big parts of the game. "But we still have big
games, we are still in the competition for Europe, big time, and we want to
finish as high as possible."
West Ham currently occupy sixth place in the Premier League and are five
points outside of the Champions League places going into a crucial weekend
clash with Leicester. And with plenty still to play for, Bilic is adamant
that the Hammers will recover and will be ready for the Foxes. "This is a
big disappointment," Bilic said. "It takes out a bit of energy and
motivation but we still have a big thing to play for. "We are going to
bounce back."

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Parkes names his Hammer of Year and reveals how he would try to stop a Dimi
Payet free kick
Posted by Hugh5outhon1895 on April 14, 2016 in Fans Forum, News, Whispers
C and H

Phil Parkes has unhesitatingly named his Hammer of the Year – and it's not
Dimitri Payet.

The goalkeeping legend is a huge fan of Michail Antonio and reckons the
youngster should land the top award.

And he made it clear that he thinks using him as a full back should now be a
thing of the past as we head into the ast crucial half a dozen games of the
season.

Speaking exclusively to ClaretandHugh Phil said: "He's a breath of fresh
air. He's so exciting, raw but he has given everything he has and probably a
bit more since he broke into the side.

"He's still got things to learn but what I love about him is that he's the
type of lad who shows every desire to do so. I have loved what he's brought
to the team this season.

"I don't think there's much question that Payet will get the award but for
me he has dipped off a little over the last few games with those exciting
one on one runs. For me, although he couldn't be more different, Michail
just edges it."

Mind you Parkesy would love to have taken on Payet's free kicks were he a
few years younger and explained: "Despite what people are saying they are
stoppable – everything is stoppable.

"I've watched him very closely and to have a chance of saving one you have
to see his feet. You must not move. Once he has struck it you then commit
yourself. Ok, it has wicked dip and all the rest, but you can't move before
he strikes it as I've seen happen.

"He is an incredible free kick taker – we all know that – but if you wait
until it's in flight and back yourself, then you have a chance."

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Parkes gives "Randolph or Adrian" verdict
Posted by Hugh5outhon1895 on April 14, 2016 in Fans Forum, News, Whispers
C and H

Phil Parkes has called on manager Slaven Bilic to give Darren Randolph two
or three first team League outings before the end of the season. Parkesy
scouted the former Birmingham stopper for David Sullivan when the club were
looking for a replacement to Jussi Jaaskalaien and it was on his
recommendation that the big man was signed. And after the No 2 produced
another tip top FA Cup performance against Manchester United Parkes told
ClaretandHugh in an exclusive interview: "Darren's been outstanding whenever
he's appeared for us and was excellent in the replay. "Being quite honest I
can't see anything between him and Adrian and believe he deserves his chance
at some League action. "Quite apart from anything else he needs to believe
that he's in there with a shout of getting the No 1 job. It would build his
confidence and keep a keen edge on him. "Against United he showed great
command of his area, terrific shot stopping and distribution. I really can't
split them at the moment. "Yes, of course you need keepers to keep the
pressure on each other but Darren needs to know the boss has confidence in
him and give him a run of games. "He did great when Adrian was suspended
earlier in the season so he has shown he has the temperament at that level.
"I would love Slav to hand him two or three games before the end of the
season to see how he settled down in leage action again."

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Olympic Stadium Deal - The facts
Posted by Sean Whetstone on April 14, 2016 in News, Whispers C and H

The previously confidential agreement between the LLDC/Newham council and
West Ham United has finally been published this morning. To save you reading
through the legal 207 page document which can be found here we have
summarised the main facts below for you:

West Ham contribution to conversion costs: £15m

West Ham Stadium rental: West Ham will pay a rent of £2.5m per year in the
Premier League for the first 25 games and £100,000 per game for any
additional games beyond that per year. The rent includes exclusive
occupation of the club store, ticket office, board room, player's lounge,
office space and storage areas.

Relegation clause: West Ham's rent will halve to £1.25m if they are
relegated from the Premier League and remain like that until they are
promoted again.

Champions League clause: West Ham will have to pay up an extra £1m in rent
for the Olympic Stadium any year they win the Champions League. West Ham
will have to pay up an extra £250,000 in rent for the stadium any year they
qualify for the Champions League group stage

Cup Clause: West Ham will have to pay up an extra £100,000 in rent for the
Olympic Stadium any year they win the FA Cup or Europa League

Europa league clause: West Ham will have to pay up an extra £100,000 in
rent for the Olympic Stadium any year they qualify for the Europa league

Stadium Naming rights: The first £4m of any naming rights deal will go to
the LLDC & Newham, with anything above that shared between the two bodies
and West Ham.

Pitch side advertising rights: West Ham will retain 90% of the pitch side
advertising rights on match days.

Catering rights: West Ham share 30% of catering revenue at the Olympic
stadium on anything over £500,000 each year.

League position clauses: West Ham will pay extra £25,000 in rent if they
finish 10th in the Premier League, £40,000 for 9th, £55,000 for 8th,
£70,000 for 7th, £85,000 for 6th and £100,000 for a top five finish in the
Premier League.

West Ham sell on clause: E20 Stadium LLP would receive a payment of £9.2m &
£11.2m West Ham is ever sold between £125m and £149m. They would receive a
payment equalling 10% (£15m & £20m) if West Ham is ever sold between £150m
and £200m. The payment woudl increase to 20% (£40m & £60m) if West Ham is
sold between £200m and £300m in the first 5 years and 30% (at least £90m) if
the club is sold for over £300m in the first five years. If West Ham is
sold for over £300m between the 6th and 10th year of occupation of the
Olympic Stadium then 20% of the selling price is due to the stadium owners.
If the club was sold for £500m in 9 years time then £100m would be due to
E20 Stadium LLP.

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Winston Reid update
Posted by Hugh5outhon1895 on April 14, 2016 in Fans Forum, News, Whispers C
and H

Winston Reid is all set to return to the heart of the Hammers defence for
Sunday's trip to red hit Championship favourites Leicester City. That was
the good news from inside the Irons camp this morning on after a night
against Manchester United when the team left the back door open at times and
paid the price. ClaretandHugh learned this morning that Reid was ruled out
of the FA Cup replay after he reported a muscle tightness in the hamstring
area. We were told: "It wasn't the hamstring itself but nobody was prepared
to take any chances. However, he is looking okay for Sunday which everybody
is seeing as a very winnable game." Diafra Sakho won't make the game with
the club continuing to maintain publicly that he has suffered a recurrence
of an old muscle injury. We were told: "Sak should be back and okay for the
game against Watford on the 20th of the month."

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Football transfer rumours: Barcelona to pay £50m for Dimitri Payet?
Rob Smyth
Thursday 14 April 2016 08.20 BST Last modified on Thursday 14 April 2016
08.26 BST The Guardian

When it comes to assuaging the impact of life's vicissitudes, the Mill has
always believed in the power of retail therapy. It's true that we own 47 Top
Man T-shirts that still have the labels on them, and that £500 treadmill
still hasn't seen any action, but it was worth spunking the monkey for that
instant hit of feelgood goodness that allowed us for a split-second to
forget the essential futility of life. Barcelona, it seems, would concur
with that philosophy. According to the Spanish grapevine, they plan to
respond to their failure to be as good as social-media foghorns prematurely
presumed them to be by paying £50m for West Ham's free-kick freak Dimitri
Payet. There's no easy way to segue to the next rumour, so we're just going
to head straight to the news that Chelsea are considering a £63.5m bid for
Real Madrid good guy Sergio Ramos. Hang on, £63.5m for a 30-year-old? It's
almost as if this stuff isn't actually going to happen!
Juventus want to do Christian Benteke a solid by preparing an escape tunnel
from Anfield to Turin. It'll cost £20m to build. Manchester United haven't a
hope in hell of resigning Cristiano Ronaldo, so they're going for the next
best thing: Naldo, Wolfsburg's 33-year-old defender who put them out of the
Champions League. Mauricio Pochettino and Claudio Ranieri have stripped to
the waist and slapped baby oil all over their tingling flesh in preparation
for a sumo wrestle. The winner gets to sign Pescara goal machine Gianluca
Lapadula. Leicester are also keen on Milan teenager Manuel Locatelli, but so
are Arsenal. Ranieri has wearily ordered some more baby oil. Arsenal will
soon be involved in other tugs of love for Charlton's Regan Charles-Cook
(also wanted by Liverpool) and PSG defender Marquinhos (Chelsea, Manchester
United). Finally, if United sack José Mourinho before they've even appointed
him, PSG will be waiting for him with a loving embrace, oodles of cash and a
smiling David Luiz.

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underland ready to raid West Ham for fringe figure
Date: 14th April 2016 at 5:00 am
Written by: Gareth McKnight
ForeverWestHam

Former West Ham manager Sam Allardyce is ready to raid his old employers and
bring Joey O'Brien to Sunderland this summer, according to The Daily Mail.
The 30-year-old Republic of Ireland defender has not featured for Slaven
Bilic's side this season due to competition for places at the back and a
number of injury concerns. O'Brien's contract with the London club expires
this summer and it is looking extremely likely that the veteran will leave
the Boleyn Ground as a free agent and look for a new club. Allardyce knows
the Irish enforcer well from their mutual time at West Ham and Bolton, and
is eyeing a bargain deal this summer for the Dublin-born star. West Ham have
progressed since Allardyce has left the club and are now looking to
streamline their squad this summer before moving into the Olympic Stadium in
2016-17. Sunderland are embroiled in a battle to stay in the Premier League,
with the outcome to have a major impact on the Wearside outfit's budget.

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West Ham receive unseen competition for Sakho's replacement
Date: 14th April 2016 at 5:40 am
Written by: Gareth McKnight
ForeverWestHam

West Ham United's plans of signing Jordan Ayew from Aston Villa could well
be upset by Derby County, according to The Daily Mail. The Rams are pushing
for promotion to the Premier League and have lofty ambitions of establishing
themselves in the top tier. The latest report suggests that should Derby get
out of The Championship this season, Ghana international Ayew would be one
of their major targets this summer. The former Lorient attacker has been a
rare bright spark for Villa this term, scoring six Premier League goals for
the Midlands club in a dire collective campaign. West Ham are being heavily
linked with a move for Ayew at the end of the season, especially given that
there are question marks over whether Diafra Sakho will still be a Hammer in
2016-17. Ayew is expected to be available for around £6 million and would be
a canny acquisition for Slaven Bilic's men should Sakho seek an exit.

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