There was surprise last night after a football match broke out during a
violent assault by a bunch of cockneys on another bunch of cockneys to
decide which cockneys were hardest. The violence occurred between two groups
of psychopathic cockneys, each with a penchant for football teams separated
by a few hundred yards. One football hooligan told us, "When those cockneys
come onto our manor, us cockneys see it as taking a fackin' liberty." "So we
rounded up those cockneys, and us cockneys gave those other cockneys a right
good hiding."
Victory
The violent confrontation was marred by a 3-1 victory for West Ham, in an
unprovoked football match which broke out in the midst of the savage
fighting. "It was disgusting, I could hardly see this one cockney having his
head repeatedly rammed into a plastic seat because of these blokes in bright
shirts kicking a ball backwards and forwards in front of me." "My ticket put
me almost 100 yards away from the real action, so all I could see were
athletic men running around and the odd goal." "If I wanted to see that sort
of behaviour, I wouldn't support Millwall, would I?"
Organised
Organisers of both 'firms' have been quick to denounce the behaviour of West
Ham and Millwall football clubs. "How are we supposed to finally decide
which is the tidiest set of cockneys if they insist on playing football
right in the middle of our fights?" "Is it any wonder attendances are down
and proper cockneys are falling out of love with the game when their clubs
behave like this?" Both firms have claimed victory, and the fight is due to
go to a replay at the earliest possible opportunity.
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